I feel horrible.
I previously reported here that I ate the Taj Mahal.
I did. It needed salt.
But I didn’t report on anything else about the Taj, and I feel remiss.
Please note that:
+ Emperor Shah Jahan built the Taj to honor his third and ‘favorite’ wife, Mumtaz Mahal.
+She died during the birth of their 14th child. Let’s think about this… it was 1632! They didn’t have epidurals or lamaze. He should have stopped stuffing her with sperm. That’s what the other wives and harem were for.
+That’s right. Dude had a harem. Of 1000 women. All virgins.
+According to my tour guide, the emperor would never ‘use’ one of the harem women more than once. Immediately after her ‘usage,’ she would usually be married off to another powerful man.
+ He of course needed wranglers to help him organize all the women and sex (The guide said lots of sex was necessary since there wasn’t any TV… duh). If you wanted to work as a wrangler of harem women for the emperor, you would have had to cut off your member. The emperor wanted to ensure that the women were indeed virgins.
+Of the four first sons with Mumtaz, Aurangzeb wanted to rule the throne the most (no idea if it was for the virgins or the conquering). He killed off his other brothers and confined his father to house arrest so that he could rule.
+Shah Jahan finished building the Taj in 1648, but spent the last eight years of his life confined to a fort a few kilometers away. He was forced by his own son to never visit his wife’s grave.
+Everything about the Taj was symmetrical, Mumtaz’s coffin smack dab in the center. Then, the mean son threw Shah Jahan’s coffin in there too, upsetting the balance. He wasn’t the most compassionate guy.
That Taj sure was beautiful. Too bad I ate it.
I also spun it like a top…
practiced cheerleading with it…
and knocked it down with my brute force.
This guy was so impressed with my abilities that he invited me to be his sixtieth wife. I said yes. I’m registered at Crate & Camel.
{ 20 comments }
I love your India posts. I lived there for 6 months and have been three times. Love, love, love. I used to be conversational in Hindi, but now all I remember is "Go to hell!"
It's fitting.
That’s damn good post All employees must wear hair nets and remove genitalia. you did here! I think “I will be back” (like Arnold :) for more!
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