I’m sitting in a cafe right now among laptops and half-finished screenplays and an unemployed man who just said,“It’s a Republican system of laws that puts you in jail after 3 strikes. It means you could get life for stealing a piece of pizza. It’s as if the Republicans have never seen Les Miserables.”
It’s awesome. I fit in. I’ve got my laptop and my intense grin that says, “I’m a writer. I’m writing right now.”
It’s day two of amusing unemployment, and so far so good. Last week, the ad agency where I was working told me that I should start looking for other jobs, as they were feeling antsy and might want to try out other people. Then on Friday they told me to never come back. Via email. The job wasn’t permanent in the first place. And it’s not like I leaped out of bed each morning and ran there with glee. So this whole firing thing is really no big deal.
But it hurt. I started thinking I wasn’t good enough.
And I realized: Rejection is the pits. I knew it before. I mean, I’ve been rejected a gazillion times, the most memorable from:
*Duke University.
*Plenty of guys in high school (several of them calling me a lesbian).
*Popular girls in elementary school. Once in 1st grade, these older girls (at least fifth graders!) befriended me on the playground and hung out with me for a whole week! I finally felt the joy of having sisters. And when they found out I wasn’t Nina Schrilla, the chick from a few houses down, they never talked to me again.
*A recent date. We met in a bar and ran into my friend from high school. He went home with her.
So, it’s not like I’m a stranger to rejection. I’ve thought a lot about this little demon and have boiled it down to a few hard facts. Not really. Just one: Our egos want everybody to think we are perfect in every way. And when I say ‘we,’ I’m speaking for ‘most people,’ and when I say ‘most people’ I mean me, Laurenne. Because how do I know what other people’s egos are saying?
My ego, Lawrence, is an evil bastard, and he insists that everyone think I’m the funniest, most intelligent and most beautiful girl in the world. He also wants twenty-year-olds to think I’m their age, Benicio del Toro to think I’m marriage material, and people at make-up counters to step back when they see me and, instead of try to sell me something, say ‘Oh, you don’t need any of the stuff we sell here.’ So even when middle management at a job I don’t really love tells me they’d like to try other people, Lawrence gets pissed and convinces me that I’m no good, ugly, and fat. That’s just what egos do– cause unnecessary pain.
For example, I just had a hard time spelling ‘unnecessary’ right there and Lawrence told me I must be stupid. Argh, Lawrence! Stop saying that. I’m smart. See… that’s how you kill an ego. You have to not listen to him, and he will eventually lose his voice forever. Start by saying the opposite of what he says. For example, Lawrence will say ‘Why am I a male ego? You’re really a man trapped in a woman’s body that’s not even that womanly because your cup size is A. You should be more feminine so that people don’t start a betting pool to see when you’ll go in for your gender reassignment surgery.’
Then I should respond, “You know what, Lawrence? I am beautiful and feminine when I want to be. And I choose to never file my nails because I would rather spend my time downloading illegal episodes of 30 Rock. It’s a choice, and I’m sticking to it. And dog gone it, people like me.”
Soon these comebacks will come more naturally, and Lawrence will die forever. Until then, I will occasionally doubt my sanity and my self-worth. But that’s okay. It’s what we humans do.
{ 90 comments… read them below or add one }
Too much to even talk about here, but I'll say I think job rejections can be the worst. Even if you interview for a job you don't want and get rejected it messes with you.
As far as women go, I tend to avoid risks to avoid rejection
I know it's dumb, but I still do it. Stupid hang-ups we all have.
PS – I also wanted to go to Duke, but I wanted warm weather more so I didn't apply to anywhere outside California…What if we went to Duke? Would we have still met? Hmmm
How can you have an ego problem when you grew up in Addison. Aren't we the chosen people? Anyone that rejects us is obviously an idiot and can't be trusted. I think you are fabulous. The Addison in me says "those people that let you go are just intimidated and insecure because you are so amazing that you will steal their job" I mean am I wrong? GTL baby, GTL!
Dear Lawrence,
If you think Laurenne is even remotely manly, you have obviously never seen her backside.
Love,
A totally straight female friend
Thank you, anonymous straight female friend who has noticed my backside!
Jimmy – Thank goodness we did not go to Duke. We would be wearing penny loafers now and working in Finance OR… we would have met there, noticed each other's silver chains, and driven to LA together.
Midge – I'd write something to you but I gotta go GTL.
Laurenne-
re: ego
Not to make your head TOO big, but your blog is the only blog I read. I'm kind of a big deal so that, in turn, is a big deal. Feel free to do cartwheels and what not.
Also I agree with Anonymous. You are very feminine. I won't say anymore because your head might get so big you'll float away and then we won't have a cool blog to read.
We would have driven to Miami because that's where people w/silver chains go.
A job rejection from a job you don't want is not a rejection, it's just an opportunity to go into something you really want. Use it. Write. Travel again. Learn something new just for the pleasure of learning. Do all the things that the people that didn't appreciate you, will never do. Good luck! Besos
gracias eider! Tienes razon. Claro que lo voy a usar para disfrutar! Solo tenia el trabajo para ahorrar y viajar mas! Tenia un plan– un plan para marcharme de la publicidad para siempre! Creo que es por eso me senti tan frustrada! Interrumpieron mi plan!! Pero asi es la vida y estoy comiendo muchos pasteles en la playa y leyendo 'tengoalgoenelojo'– mejor plan.
besos,
L
hey Lawrence,
Do you want to fight? I have that revenge-loving Korean blood.
Also, I agree about job rejections being the worst, but considering your ridiculous talents, Ms Laurenne, you'll have another gig in no time. Probably by a competing ad firm.
WORD UP.
I can see why you linked back to Lawrence. I do my own persona 'Stuart Smalley', which is to answer each and every 'how you are doing' with 'Better than good and better than most', quite emphatically. I meant it, for real.
My SFC was quite out of my parameters to be attracted to, as she is, in my mind, slender. Normally (and I am not making this up) my girlfriends outweighed ME. Don't want to give up too much info here, but between Nixxie and now the SFC, I think I could deal with a girl in single digits as far as her dress/pant size goes. After all, I am looking for a life partner not a tag team partner!
What is the thing about small breasted women… more than a mouthful is a waste?
Anywho, I am jus' talkin'… lonely and shaken because this is going to be a long weekend that I wish I did not have to face… oh, and Laurenne, David Sedairis ain't got nothing on King Kong!! (hmm, my Denzel Washington voice typed that up..! Write a book. Shop it. Become rich and famous. Get married. Walk the red carpet and go to Monaco. )
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