Do unwanted hairs have abandonment issues?
Why did Charlie Brown go bald at such a young age?
Where are these millions of people who watch Two and a Half Men? I’ve never met one.
When are people going to get over that 2nd amendment thing? Is it better that you feel safer or is it better that more people are actually safer?
Do we really want to be in relationships or has society made us think we want to be in relationships?
Why do people feel the need to instruct me on their voicemails? I know how it works.
Are there some people out there who don’t understand that someone calls you back after you leave a message?
Are those the people who watch Two and a Half Men?
Why did Yankee Doodle call a feather ‘macaroni?’
What is Jesus’s middle name? Henry? Hollace? Holyfield?
How the hell do you say Siobhan?
What is marjoram? Is it just like oregano or not? Do I really have to buy both?
What does it feel like to get your head cut off? It can’t really hurt, right?
Will doing “what you love” really pay off one day? It will, right? Especially if it’s blogging, right? Right?
Why are there so many bad smells on airplanes?
Why is it that every time I smell something bad, I automatically assume it’s my breath?
Why does that dog who says “roll that beautiful bean footage” crack me up every time? A dog talking about beans is not funny. Right? Maybe a little funny, right?
Why are people always so grateful for their birthday wishes on Facebook? It’s not like those people remembered anything. They saw it right there when they opened up Facebook like they would have done anyway. But go ahead and feel loved if you want. Sure.
Why do we thank “God” it’s Friday? He, she or it didn’t invent the calendar. We should thank the Mayans for Friday.
Why do hairs grow from moles? I think the mole is bad enough, thanks.
Why do accents disappear when singing?
Do we really need haircuts every six weeks or do they just say that for repeat business?
Why is it so hard to find a credible news source?
Will I ever be able to give up cheese?
Why is nose picking so taboo if we all do it?
When are they going to stop making Reality TV?
When will I stop watching Reality TV?
Why are you reading these? You should go volunteer or something. Or read more questions here, here, and here.
{ 14 comments }
I watch ‘… Men’… sue me.
aha! YOU.
My mother is one of the millions who watches Two and a Half Men. I am so ashamed.
My sister’s name is Siobhan. We pronounce it Shi-baun.
Good point about the Facebook birthdays! For my next birthday, I am going to thank Facebook for reminding all my “friends” that it is my birthday. I will think none of the actual happy-birthday-wishers.
I don’t thank God for anything. Take that God! (I’m sorry)
Haircuts every six weeks? Ha! My hairdresser is lucky if she sees me twice in one year. My hair gets no love.
Why would you even propose giving up cheese? Don’t do that to yourself. Cheese is a beautiful thing.
Shi-baun. This is a tremendous help. Thank you. I hope I don’t forget it this time. Rahul has tried to instruct me on this and I’m not a good Shi-baun rememberer.
I never get haircuts either. Down with the haircut man.
Why do you write these lists? So we can all have a laugh this morning and then wonder what the fuck are the answers. Love you Laurenne. Enjoy your mother country.
Why do you question my questions?
You have a lot of God and hair questions. Speaking off, does God have bad hair days? Or is everyday a good hair day? Because he OR SHE (that’s for the women) should be able to control that right? On your followup interview with that God please ask that question.
I think Charlie Brown never actually grew hair. He was born that way (Gaga alert) and stayed that way. It really goes well with his whole “Good Grief” schtick though. How can Snoopy type?
Why is one of the security questions always “mother’s maiden name”? Doesn’t seem fair to the single moms.
My ex was named Siobhan. She instructed me to pronounce it, “Shavon”. To annoy her, I used the following pronounciations: Sigh-o-ban, See-o-ban. Because that’s how most other people prounounced it, and then said, “you know you spell your name wrong, don’t you?”
You’re welcome for Friday. Well, my mother’s contribution to my DNA should be given credit for that. My dad’s contribution can be thanked mostly for tequila and irrational emotions.
Yankee Doodle called his feather “macaroni” because that’s what they called such things at the time – people had only just stopped calling them “pluck ticklers” and were years away from calling them “titty hiders”, when it was discovered that peacock feathers were good for burlesque dancing.
Any time you’d like me to answer more of your questions, just give me a holler – I have a degree in history from Hollywood Upstairs University.
Next time, I’m just going to email you my questions. I had NO idea you went to Hollywood Upstairs University. So smart.
Macaronis to you!
Regarding question # 23, and in reference to the past comments about Fart jokes, the answer can be found in the interview with Louie C.K. of the excellent news show for 6/28 at http://www.thedailyshow.com/
Clifford! So strange. My mom just sat me down and made me watch that clip just moments before you posted it. I think you guys should get married. She says you’re already married, but I really need a sister. Ok, thanks.
Oh, and Louie CK is my favorite.
Thomas Jefferson told us we need guns to protect ourselves from tyrannous government. Personally, I just think my gun is fun to take to the range. Plus, it is excellent therapy when I am pissed at my ex husband and saves me the annoyance factor of actual therapy.
My parents watch Two and a Half Men. I have never actually seen them watch it but I once caught it in their DVR list so I am pretty sure they not only watch it but also record it to make sure they don’t miss anything.
But since it’s so easy for you to get that gun, it’s so easy for crazy shooters to get their guns. So… I don’t think it is worth it even though it might actually feel like therapy. TWO shootings in my hood last week! Bang.
Sorry about your parents. You really should come back to Cali.
“Are there some people out there who don’t understand that someone calls you back after you leave a message?”
Yes. I’ve met these people. We usually go on a few dates, and then I never hear from them again. I assume that they are receiving my messages, but don’t know that they’re supposed to call back on account of the lobotomy.