TTFN

You know those times when you wonder what you’re doing with your life and decide to move to Alaska where you won’t know anyone and you want to change your name to Michelle or Maria or something that will blend in and then marry someone quickly and then have twenty babies one after the other [...]

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2011: a year of planking and dead people!

Every single New Year’s Eve, I marvel at how a whole year has passed since the last one. Wasn’t it just 2010? Wasn’t it just 1990? Wasn’t I JUST praying for it to be 2001 so I could have a valid ID and not have to pretend I’m some 40-year-old Mexican lady to get into [...]

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Questioning Christmas

Did Joseph ever doubt Mary? A little bit? “Hey, I’m, uh, a virgin but I’m pregnant. It’s God’s baby though. Swear.” Come on. Has anyone on Maury Provich ever tried that one? Do farmers who actually sleep in barns with animals hear the story of Jesus’s birth and say, “So what?” Did Jesus get any [...]

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For Sale: 3-bedroom house. Close to great schools and racists!

Last year I wrote about my home-selling heartbreak. The house where I formed into being was going on the market. I found it painful to say goodbye to the tree that was planted on the day I was born and the street I can feel with my eyes closed in the backseat of my mom’s [...]

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Yeah, eight dollars.

This week was weird. I have since been fired from the cubicle I so feared last week. It wasn’t because I said derogatory things about said cubicle. It was simply because I am a freelancer and they didn’t need me anymore. That’s also what they said that one time I got fired on the spot [...]

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