humans are funny

Author: laurenne

  • OJ Simpson was in my yoga class this morning.


    I swear. I thought he was in jail, but my eyes insist it was him sweating it out in his Speedo next to me in hot yoga this morning.

    My, oh my! So much has happened since I’ve arrived on American soil. I left again and went to Canada. I got a paycheck, the first of 2009. I cooked risottos and eggplants and stews. I hung out with my family. I sneaked into a double-feature. I got manicures and pedicures and realized that the only thing that makes you feel like a girl again after a long year of feeling like a boy is a nice pair of 5-inch heels. I rode around town on my moped. I joined the fight against Iran’s Islamic Republic. I decided I’ll never get a dog. I went on a date. I ate dinner next to Mary-Kate or Ashley. I saw a piano recital. I noticed blogs to be quite narcissistic (what’s with all the “I”s?). I made a plan for the year and then yelled at myself for making plans. I dressed like a slutty clown. I met new friends. I met old friends again. I stayed in my pajamas for a whole week straight. I learned to appreciate my little hometown and its many fragrant trees. I found a cute little apartment in Venice Beach.

    New digs!

    It turns out starting life again is a bit more difficult than I thought. So I’ll be parking this page until I set up my new little desk in its new little spot on January 9th. And then you’ll be able to read about funny humans in Venice Beach or along Route 66. Yep, I just drove my car from LA to Chicago and now I’ll be driving it back. Hoping to spot some hummus plants or maybe even the Juice. Nah, I don’t really want to spot OJ again. If I see a celebrity on my drive, it better be someone good. Like Richard Simmons.

    Have a wonderful holiday season, or whatever they say. Thank you so much for making this past year really really special for me. Smell ya in 2010.

  • Meat cups?


    Do I think this is gross because I am a vegetarian? Or because it is a cup made out of meat? It’s a meat cup. No. A meat cup.

  • The answer we’ve all been waiting for

    is here.

  • A poetic tantrum

    Fuck. I’ve caught up. No more travel stories. No more muddy pant legs or sweaty scarves or damaged cameras. It’s all over. I’ve got a lease in my hand and a pen that is about to sign my life back into normal-dom. And I don’t wannaaaaaaaa. Somewhere along the way, I got the idea that staying put and having a job and having pets and being ‘normal’ was horrific. So, this pen represents for me a life that I don’t want to live. Ah! What should I do? I was just frolicking among the rubber trees in Laos and now I’m in a sterile cubicle. My synapses are protesting. I’m pounding my feet into the warm Santa Monica ground and screaming and wailing and tantruming more than I did when I was fourteen and calling my mom a bitch. I am in a perfect state of confused chaotic panic that I secretly love because it can only mean a new beginning. In times like these, I can only write a poem, which is weird because I’m not really a poetry kind of girl. Something is seriously amiss.
    I saw the world
    I wrote a blog
    I ate a lot
    I pet some hogs
    I sweat on trains
    I puked up peas
    I chased the rains
    I switched to teas
    I met new friends
    I donned new clothes
    I gave kids pens
    I took some blows
    I pet a fish
    Saw skirts on men
    Some made of pigs
    Some made of hens
    I had this thing
    It defined who I am
    Now, very over
    And I question again
    Back to life
    Back to reality
    Searching for a word
    That rhymes with reality
    Back to work
    Back to before
    This time it’s different
    I’m so much more

  • Lessons from someone who knows stuff.

    I’ve always wanted to know stuff.
    Unfortunately, I don’t.
    I mean, I know stuff… But it seems I’m one of those jacks of all trades and masters of none. I hate it. It irks me. I want to be the expert witness they call to the stand to verify something only my keen eye could verify. Or the specialist they call to get a witty and informative quote for a magazine article.

    But so far, nobody has needed an expert in the art of plucking ingrown hairs from my leg or in making log houses out of spray-painted straws, two areas in which I’ve been known to excel.
    So I’ve been patiently learning a teeny bit each day, cradling the hope that this new knowledge will eventually congeal and become something.

    The trip was quite a something. I met lots of knowledge as I skipped around continents. I’m still no expert in any area, but I learned a lot. About life and people and humanity. And I decided to share it. Here you have it… words of wisdom from someone who kinda knows some stuff.

    I learned…

    …that all people are the same no matter where they were born. Really. We all judge, love, die, urinate, eat, hope. We’re all yearning to be better. Some of us wake up to alarms and some of us to roosters. But, really, we are all the same.

    …that most religions are the same. They each answer that annoying question about what happens after life and are based on being good. Really. Hindus, Jews, Catholics, Muslims, Buddhists, Mormons, Jains…. I heard each of their spiels and was shocked at the similarities. To me, it’s like choosing a basketball team.

    …how to say no… how to have an opinion… how to ask for what I want. When those in the tourism industry are eyeing you like a lion licking his lips, you better ask them to throw in a Taj Mahal snow globe. You’re paying for it anyway.

    …that we are all so lucky and we don’t know it. Advertising and society make us think we need more and more and more and that this more has to be from a certain designer. But, really, we don’t need much at all. I think it’s crazy that some kids in the West cry because they want Elmo for Christmas and some kids in the East cry because they want more than rice for dinner. Crazy!

    …that traveling alone for a long period of time is like turning off your life. No bills. No phone. No commitments. No job. Nobody you know. Nothing to do but listen to yourself. I think it’s something that everyone needs to experience.

    …that my body is not infallible. Damn! I am athletic and never thought I would feel like I couldn’t do anything. But F! My feet and knees were used to sleeping under my desk. Then I made them get lost around unknown cities for 9 whole months. They hate me.

    …that I love writing this blog. Love it! I received encouragements and emails from so many strangers and old friends and worried parents and pissed off Malaysians. I can’t describe the feeling of knowing people are rooting for you. It’s amazing. And I thank you all so very much for being there with me. I will continue writing about how humans in the US are funny, especially the ones in advertising or the ones that interview me for jobs for which I have no business applying.

    …that the people who stamp passports take their jobs way too seriously.

    …that I’ve deprived myself way too much. Before the trip, I would never think of ordering dessert. Now I not only order it, I eat it slowly, and enjoy every single bite. I’m so lucky to have the privilege.

    …to look around! I couldn’t believe that the tribes living in the Papua New Guinean mountains didn’t realize their homes were swathed in absolute beauty. But as I was telling this to someone, she pointed to Venice beach, a place that I take for granted. I saw a cluster of palm trees and it all became so clear.

    …that the best times come from the experiences you were most reluctant to have. So now I try to say yes to everything. I try not to let fear be a factor in any decision. Ever.

    …to master Sudoku puzzles. What a great way to sharpen the brain fibers.

    …that being away from everyone you know forces you to see everyone you know in a new light. I feel closer to many of my friends and family now than I did before I left.

    …that everyone’s priorities are different and that’s ok. We’re all just different but neither is better or worse.

    …to trust myself. Standing by a decision and not looking back saves loads of anxiety.

    …to ask questions. People love to answer. It’s the best way to meet.

    Here’s a sunset to help you contemplate.