Nine months will have passed by the time I come home. Some of my gossipy aunts are positive I’ve really been holed up in some Arizona ranch for unwed mothers who want to pop out a bastard anonymously. It’s not true. If I’d have gotten pregnant in LA, I would have had the baby and immediately thrust it into the arms of a heartless manager who would exploit its cute little fat face in every way possible so that I could earn all its model wages and take monthly trips to Cancun where I would get bad highlights, eat shrimp cocktails, and float around in those shiny blue pool chairs with drink holders that would support a variety of umbrella-bearing cocktails.
Sigh… Perhaps one day that dream will come true.
For now, I have only Olive, an Indian donkey who thinks I am her mother. She was a newborn when a car or pack of stray dogs attacked her. The villagers put motor oil on all of her invasive wounds to stop them from bleeding. Animal Aid, an organization in Udaipur run by a cheery ex-pat family from Seattle, was quick to come to her rescue. The vets were able to give her antibiotics and a bottle, but they needed a volunteer to give her some love. She’s a newborn!
I heard Olive’s cry and flew to the rescue. My assignment was to simply love her all day long. I bathed her, which took hours. Motor oil and fur can’t get enough of each other. I hugged her. I kissed her. I told her tales of her future as the best concrete carrier in all of Udaipur. I could actually see her demeanor improving throughout the day. Love helps! It’s also a battlefield.
She’d wobble around, venture out a few steps on her own, and then come back to touch her soft forehead to mine ever so gently. It was true love on both sides. If my future daughter is born a donkey, I might not exploit her so much.
I am grateful to have met Olive, the donkey of my eye. The previous day, my assignment was to love and walk dogs all day long, and I left feeling like a heartless bitch. Dogs with mange and ticks only got a one-finger petting action from me, and I couldn’t help but feel guilty. Mange is gross!
Animal Aid helps cows, goats, donkeys, pigs, turtles, really any Indian animal in need. If you’re sick and tired of helping all those boring humans in need, send them a donation or get over to Udaipur: Animal Aid
This is Olive before Hydroxycut.
Olive during her long bath. 
This is Olive after. You won’t get these results from other baths. 
This woman is a saint. She patiently picked off dog ticks and broke each in half with her nail. No complaints.
I really really really tried to love this dog as much as I loved Olive. 
This vet sticks his hand up a cow’s butt daily. Maybe advertising isn’t so bad. 
One day I will stop thinking animal balls are funny. One day.