Over 1500 years ago, St. Patrick left Ireland to learn Christianity. He came back and taught about the holy trinity using a shamrock. He died on March 17th, and since that was during lent, the Irish decided that they would use that as an excuse to forget about that whole giving up meat and alcohol thing. So, it’s always been a day for getting wasted. I thought Americans had bastardized it like we do Martin Luther King Day (I just ate a chocolate dessert that day.) or Christmas (with all those presents and such). But no. St. Patrick’s Day really is for throwing some back (even the History channels says so here). I’m staying in. Far away from green beer and people like this guy who want me to kiss them because they’re 1/8th Irish.
Speaking of wasting, these people are serious. I get that you want to make a statement against the government. And that your signature color is red. But really you’re going to hold a blood drive so you can collect enough plasma to dump onto a government building? Oh, yes, that completely changes our minds. Hey Government! Let’s change it up and put these completely sane people back in power. They’ve got beautiful blood.
Fuck Shit Stack. Now this is some acting, singing, dancing, and songwriting.
As if people don’t have bad enough self esteem. CanDoBetter.com has arrived to make teens feel worse about themselves. Can he do better? Maybe. Can she do better? Yes. Can they both stop smoking weed and submitting their pictures to horrifying websites that are embarrassments to humankind? Definitely.
And back to the day at hand. I hate shamrock shakes. They taste like something from McDonald’s. If I were an alien and had just been on Earth for one week and someone gave me a shamrock shake, I would say, “Is this from McDonald’s?” Or it might not sound exactly like that if I had just started to learn English. Even if it were in a normal glass and not in a cup with a McDonald’s logo on it, I would say it. Still, people seem to love them and search them out on March 17th. And to make it worse, McDonald’s has capitalized on a Chicago tradition and placed a Shamrock ad for all to see. Oh, advertising– get out of my personal space! You’re like that guy who gets so close right after I’ve had a coffee and don’t want anyone near my mouth. I apologize to all Chicagoans for being affiliated with you.
