Congratulations! Today, you are reading the blog of The Most Versatile Blogger. Yes, I am THE big winner of THE biggest prize among the blogging community! What, What? Makes a girl wanna use some exclamation points!!!!!! Some people are saying that this prestigious award is more of a chain letter because it really involves any awarded blogger to award fifteen other bloggers, creating sort of a chain, er, community. Those people are jealous rats. This award is big time, and I will wear it proudly like I wear my special occasion expensive shoes and my high school graduation ring. Just kidding. I don’t really wear that. (Sorry for begging you to buy that for me, Mom.) So what if pretty much every blogger on the internet is about to receive the same award? So what if anyone with a blog can award anyone else with a blog? This is my time, dammit. Today, I am The Most Versatile Blogger, and that’s how it goes. I win, bitches! I win. I win. I win.
My duties as winner are to:
*thank the person who gave me this award.
*share seven things about myself.
*pass the award along to 15 bloggers who I deem fantastic.
*gloat all day long
Jessica at Alone with Cats & Margaret at The Crymes Syndicate have both awarded me such prestige. Well, Margaret awarded anyone who read her blog, which means ME. If you also want this award, all you have to do is read her blog. But don’t tell me that because I might not feel so special then.
These girls are both candid and hilarious, and I encourage everyone to check them out. I have just recently come to learn about this huge world of bloggers who support each other and read each others entries. These chicks have been so welcoming and encouraging and supportive. I hope I get to meet them one day, so I don’t feel like a internet psycho for loving them through cyberspace.
Now on to the seven things about myself, as if this blog wasn’t already shrouded in self-importance.
1. I prefer bar soap to the fancy shmancy ‘body wash.’
2. I’m currently taking a stand-up comedy class. That’s right. You will all soon be obligated to come see me at an open mic, where I will be raunchy and revealing and make you squirm in your seat. Especially when you realize I’m making jokes about you.
3. My father committed suicide. I guess that’s not so funny, but it’s also not so horrible either. You know that weird feeling you got when you read that? Sort of discomfort mixed with sorrow and helplessness and a lack of words accompanied by some awkward fidgeting? That’s how most people react, but it’s my new mission to end the bad stigma. Suicide is simply another accident, like a car crash. The person committing the act would surely take it back if he could.
4. My first job was at a local video rental place, where I rented porn to old men who would return it (to me, not to the drop box) after a few hours. Gross.
5. I’m writing from Souplantation, an all-you-can-eat buffet with horrific carpeting. I can’t seem to write at home– too distracted by the food in my fridge and the surfaces that need dusting. For some reason, the array of muffins and soups helps me think.
6. I like my age now. And I can’t wait to be a really cute old lady a la Betty White. What’s in the middle scares the shit out of me.
7. People often ask me how I’m always so happy (well, after my trip they do.). I think the secret is that I love and trust everyone at first sight. Until they prove to me otherwise. None of this ‘gain my love shit.’ If I know you, I love you. For example, the couple in their fifties beside me with 3 plates each heaped in foods from the buffet. They’re both wearing sunglasses inside. And then there’s the Jewish couple passing out cookies to everyone and trying to make new friends. Love. Love. Love them.
8. If I didn’t have to pay off my student loans, I’d be in a hut in Africa, where I would be on a mission to help lots of people and educate about AIDS. I wouldn’t stop writing this here blog, though. It’s kinda my favorite thing to do. Thanks for reading it.
9. I think it would be cool to have a glass eye.
10. If I could be any age, I’d pick 3.
Aw naw. That’s 10 things. Cannot get enough of writing about myself. Me. Me. Me.
And now on to the new winners, who must claim their prize tomorrow so as not to interrupt my gloating (also, if you decide not to accept this chain letter, er, award, I won’t be offended): Rahul @ I Wear T-Shirts… Sometimes, Loralee @ Glass Half Optimistic, Rebecca @ Loving Living Small, Dewan @ Imperfect Enjoyment (buy his book too), Kelly @ IbbyDibbyDow, Rich @ Round Seventeen, Ernessa @ Fierce And Nerdy, Metalia @ Metalia, Sabrina @ Leap And the Mosquito Net Will Appear, Ann @ Dr. Strangemom, Kathy @ Mama Kat’s Losin It, and really anyone else who wants some props. I’m just getting into this whole reading-other-people’s-blogs thing. So make some suggestions as well. These are also good ones who’ve already had this illustrious honor bestowed upon them: The Pretend Writer, Best of Fates, Midwestern MamaH, Bite the Bedbugs
Uh oh. Gotta go. I see some paparazzi by the mac-n-cheese. I’m big time, y’all.