Category: signs

  • Funny Human of the Week – The Ghayter

    Number two in the Funny Human Visual Series is The Ghayter (gay hater).

    Ghayting is quite a topic as of late. Society is up in arms because of some recent gay bashing as if it’s a new thing. I’m overjoyed it’s now in the media and that people care.

    But guys, seriously, where ya been?

    I took a quick gander through Google to find a good gay-bashing case to reference here, and there were simply too many from which to choose. In fact, as long as I’ve been alive, I’ve been reading news stories about ghayters. They’ve bashed in the car windows of those bearing rainbow flags. They’ve bashed in the faces of those bearing leather chaps. And then there was my ghayter godfather, who was nothing like a god or a father because he never talked to me again once my pops came out of the armoire.

    Ghayters are everywhere. And they are plenty. And I’m happy that we’re now collectively talking about how despicable they are. Not that a video from Ellen would make a ghayter stop ghayting. I doubt any one of them has seen it and said, “Oh, that lesbian is actually cool. I’m going to stop throwing bricks through that faggot’s window.” The truth is that a lot of ghayters are just too far gone to listen to our arguments or care that they’re hurting people. Their bodies are too filled with hate to notice. Ghayters are haters from the core, so they also hate Muslims and liberals and people on bluetooths (ok, in some cases, the hate is justified).

    The good news is there’s a funny side to all this hatred. Okay, perhaps not funny. Maybe karmically ironic, which always leads to funny.

    Regular haters and ghayters alike wake up each morning and drink a cup full of hatred before their coffees. Instead of sharing meaningful conversation with loved ones, they spend time making signs to carry on the sidelines of gay parades that say things like ‘God Hates Fags.’ Instead of taking their kids to the park, they make them wear tiny little Klan outfits and surely cause them future psychological issues. Instead of creating a loving family atmosphere, they spend their energy alerting the media about their plans to burn the Quran. And all this time, they’re full of hate hate hate, basking in negativity.

    In truth, their lives are very sad.

    There will always be gays or groups who are different. We can choose to see that as beautiful or we can choose to see that as horrible. It’s our choice. But if we choose the latter, we’re choosing a life in the negative. A sad, negative life full of hatred of everything including the Self.

    Jokes on you, bitches.
    Have a negative life while we go party it up in our rainbow flag underwear. Suckas.

    note: I copied this ghayting sign from an actual protester [HERE]. Also, I used Rush Limbaugh’s face for reference.
  • Merde-y Moments

    India taught me to live in the moment. If you worry about the crowd of shark-like rickshaw drivers ready to devour you upon arrival, you’ll miss the beauty of the train’s passengers and scenery.

    So, I’ve been doing it– living inside each moment, proud to be noticing a sidewalk’s graffiti rather than worrying whether a cab will ever come.
    But the moments have tricked me! Jerks. They piled up, fighting for my attention, attacking me with French pastries and wine and late night conversations and more French pastries.
    And now, all of a sudden, the moment is here. The moment where I get on a plane and return to my own country. That moment has surprised me, and I don’t like it. I’m not ready.
    “Go away!” I scream.
    But the moment is still here. I am on a train to the airport and a man with a wireless credit card machine is yelling at me for not having a ticket.
    “Go away!” I scream again.
    I close my eyes, but when I open he’s still there! And I’m still on the way to the airport. Merde.
    “Merde!” I yell at him. “There were no signs about a ticket so I’m not paying you fifty euros. Go away.”
    I close my eyes again. Open. Still there. Still on way to plane.
    “Go make some signs,” I yell. I do not like this moment.
    Catalina cannot control laughter as she pays my fine for me. She assures me that the mean fine man will go immediately to his home where he stores extra poster board and will cut out some arrows to make signs.
    I still hate the moment. I am not living in it. I refuse.
    Alas, I find myself at the airline counter. They ask me thousands of questions. They don’t understand why I was in a Muslim country for a month. They think I’m a terrorist. They ask me why I keep closing my eyes and mumbling about signs.
    I prove that I am just a traveler by writing down my email and blog address. All you terrorists out there: just get a blog and you’ll get through customs.
    I guess I get on the plane but I don’t remember because I refused to live in that moment.


    Whose face fits in such a large hole? The French really have a problem with signs.