humans are funny

Author: laurenne

  • oh.

    My partner (at work) pointed out that the Asians who made the sign below are talking about the flower on their sign when they say “It’s lily good.” And here I thought they were poking fun at their stereotypical accents. Boy, was I wrong. I have to take it back then. Asians are not hilarious. AND they’re bad at coming up with restaurant taglines. And I guess they like lilies.

  • Asians are hilarious.

    “It’s lily good!” Get it? The world needs more people who can laugh at themselves. Like me. I majored in communications. Hilarious.

  • I feel it in my throat.

    A bug got sucked into my nostril last night while I was running. Do you think it thinks it got vacuumed into a black hole?

  • Sorry, I don’t do manual labor. And I don’t stir.


    I recently saw a commercial for shakeable Bisquick. All you have to do is add water to a bottle of Bisquick, shake it up, and pour it onto the griddle.
    What has happened to our society?
    First there were elevators. Then TV dinners & microwaves, remote controls, garage door openers, and now email. We act like our bodies would implode from exhaustion if we were to actually get up off of the couch and, gasp!, change the channel. And now pancakes are too hard for us? I’ve never heard a mom say, “I’ve done so much for you: I paid for your college tuition, made sure you had a roof over your head, and labored over pancakes every Sunday.”

    Pancakes take 2 ingredients to make. Has the weakened American arm become too fragile to make a circling motion and stir? I doubt it even takes up less energy to shake. Maybe it’s the fact that moms don’t want to wash the bowl? But, wait! Moms have dishwashers for that old chore anyway.
    Life is too convenient for us. No wonder we’re all fat.

    Note: I am writing this from my bed. I’m in here with my remote. And it’s awesome.
    Note#2: I realized I’m being sexist by assuming only moms would be making pancakes. I’m sick of being PC. Imagine it says dad/boyfriend/lover/friend/midget/skinhead/Pole/whoever makes pancakes for you. Capish?

  • Listen, Caffeine, you’re rude.


    I haven’t been able to stay awake past 11 in a week due to the fact that I, very reluctantly, decided to forgo my daily coffee.
    I noticed that all my friends who don’t indulge in a morning espresso are always up for going running at midnight or playing a spontaneous game of croquet at some ungodly hour. I want to have that energy, so I quit cold turkey.
    It’s SO FUCKING HARD. I fell asleep twice just writing the above sentences. I haven’t been able to think of anything brilliant at work, haven’t been able to catch John Stewart, and my roommate found me sleeping naked on the toilet. I guess it’s withdrawl. But it feels like narcolepsy. And it’s all Caffeine’s fault. How could it do me this way?
    And Society! It’s his fault too. Why is it perfectly normal for an entire world to need a morning drink to function? We’re all caffeiholics and we’ve got enablers on every damn corner. I hope you’re happy Starbucks.
    I’m giving Energy 3 weeks to come and get me and take me to a late-night party. If he doesn’t show, I’m back on the macchiato train.