humans are funny

Category: iPhone

  • Phone for thought.


    When I first took this photo in a Laos village, I didn’t want to post it online. I felt like a pedophile, or I at least felt like I might be assisting pedophiles in doing whatever they do that makes them pedophiley. But I love this picture. It’s really what kids in Laos look like, and if that means that they don’t worry about covering their genitals, then the world should know that Laos is a place where genitals roam free and parents are more concerned with making sure their kids have their blessings tied on their wrists than the holes in their pants sewn shut (Or this could be a diaper alternative that I just don’t know about.). They live in huts of straw. They eat sticky rice for dinner. They wear shoes on occasion. They’ve never heard of computers. They grow their own food. They nap with water buffalo. Life is so easy.

    —————————

    This week I’ve been faced with a lot of technology. Not only do I have this whole iPhone thing to figure out, I’ve been tweeting. Fuck. I don’t want to do it, but it’s something “they” say I have to do if I want to get blog traffic and be a famous writer and leave advertising for good. So I’m doing it. I’m telling all my ‘followers’ how many times I sneeze per day, and then I’m turning to my phone to tell me when to menstruate, what Martha’s been cooking recently, and how I can get to a macrobiotic restaurant in the valley where my friends await me with a bottle of sulfite-free wine. I wear heels. I have a green-friendly car. I own stock. I shop organic. I just ordered curtains from UrbanOutfitters.com. Life is so easy.

    My question is… What if I’d been born in Laos?

    I’m so lucky.

    Or am I?

  • My phone said I should buy tampons.


    I plan on being the coolest old lady. The kind who says ‘phooey’ and pinches boys’ butts and reads books. That’s right, I am going to read books made of paper until my life ends no matter how much technology tries to oust them from our lives. I hate and fear the hi-tech future of video chatting and emailing and Kindling. That’s why I’ve been using a small Nokia phone from 1998. But yesterday, on a whim, I fell to the dark side. I bought an iPhone. I couldn’t help myself. I swear. And now I have this thing that I’m scared of losing, and my fingers have so much more to do each day. I don’t want to be constantly tied to technology. I don’t want to be that girl who has to ‘check my phone’ every two minutes. BUT… them apps is mad cool. I downloaded four already, my favorite being the menstrual calendar. My phone is going to tell me when I’m menstruating. This makes my world seem wrong, but I don’t want to be right. For 19 years, I’ve been feeling cranky and randomly crying and wondering ‘why oh why.’ And every time it’s a surprise when the day arrives. But now MY PHONE is going to tell me that I’m feeling cranky and crying at Hallmark commercials because the day is about to arrive! And HOLY SHIT did I just say that I’ve been menstruating for 19 years? I am so fucking old. Wait, I’m not old. I’m just a woman. I am a woman with ovaries that are now in cahoots with a phone. Let freedom ring. When it’s that time.