I wrote a post about a recent interview gone wrong, but I have decided not to post it because interview dialogue is just not funny to anyone else no matter how awkwardly great it was at the time. Even when the interviewer asks you what you might bring to the table if hired, sits in awkward silence after your pathetic answer, and then hangs up on you. Even if he pressures you to ask him a question and you can only think to ask him what he’s wearing, it’s still not really that funny.
So, here I am thinking of what else I could possibly write about. There are a million possibilities due to the endless entertaining things I’m doing in my life right now. Like, just a few hours ago, I ate a vegan corn dog. It was so fun. What are those made of and why do I eat them? I can’t answer that. But I do know what’s in ratatouille. It’s vegetables.
After that wonderful mysterious fake meat product on a stick, I procrastinated by watching Millionaire Matchmaker. I’ve never seen it before, but it was under Most Popular on Hulu, and I really wanted to not think about anything for a minute, as my brain is filled with work and work and more work. I ended up thinking about lip injections and scary women, which proved my point that TV is pointless.
Then, I researched Medieval Times because I can never really spell ‘medieval’ without trying really hard, so I think it would serve me well to go. It’s $57.50. Man, is this post informative. You’re welcome.
After the intense finding of information on Medieval Times, I decided on my Halloween costume for next year. Yes, it will be slutty because that’s how we do on H-Ween. Next year I will strap on some bombs and be a whore-ish suicide bomber. Political yet sexy = genius. Plus, I’m sure extremists would really get a kick out of seeing a promiscuous version of one of their own. Hilarious, right Jihadists?
Mostly what I’ve been doing lately is freezing. I don’t understand how California maintains this reputation for having such great weather. I might be taken out by the California Department of Tourism for letting the secret out of the bag, but I feel like I must reveal the truth: It’s fucking cold here. I’m talking winter coats, nose is frozen, hands turning blue at work, heat on all the time COLD. Really. Really. Cold.
Maybe it’s the temperature or maybe it’s the fact that I don’t really own any sweaters or winter coats. That’s because I live in Southern California, and after being here on and off for twelve years, I still can’t admit to myself that it gets cold here. I guess I should buy a sweater. Or a parka. What exactly is a parka?
I also would like to come clean about Thanksgiving. I cooked. I ate. I relaxed by the fireplace. But I totally forgot to honor or even think about the Native Americans. Shit. I feel horribly. Sorry for taking away all your land and spreading diseases and killing off your food sources and stuffing you on reservations, guys. Someone should really do something about that.
As you can see, I have a lot of fascinating things going on, so I really can’t write much more now.
There are vegan corn dogs to be had, everyone. Vegan corn dogs!