Yesterday was St. Patricks Day, my least favorite holiday because I don’t care if you’re Irish and I don’t like when drunk people pee in my bushes. That is not a euphemism. It has happened before. I yelled at this drunk gangbanger for peeing on my apartment door, and his friends just mocked me like I was some old substitute teacher they could treat like shit because they figured she wouldn’t know how to give them detentions. Remember when getting in trouble was cool? I had crushes on all the boys who got detentions. I think that says something about my relationship pattern, but let’s not go into that today. Today is Friday! Hoo. Ray. TGIF. Remember when Fridays were about watching dumb TV shows? Remember when the Beach Boys were on Full House? That Friday used to be the standard to which I held any other Friday. Then Fridays started to mean fake IDs and alcohol. Once I tried to get drunk off Vermouth. Don’t try that. It’s a waste of money even though Vermouth is the cheapest alcohol on the shelf. I love a good alcohol bargain. Actually, I don’t love alcohol; I just love bargains. Actually, I just love love. Love! I tried to tell lots of people I loved them this week. And lots of people told me they loved me this week. My friend, Rahul, even wrote a blog about his love for me. What?!! I feel so special. Sometimes I think we use the word ‘love’ too freely when we say, “Oh my God. I love your shirt.” But I think it’s great to use it freely with people. Because that’s what humans do. We love. Why not? So, I’ve been crying good tears this week, not many more tears about death because I’m so over death. It comes and goes just like fashion. What’s with runway shows? Do those models know they look ridiculous? I don’t have one pair of jeans that is not of the skinny variety. I thought I would never wear skinny jeans, but I actually love the fact that women are now showing off their shapely curves or non curves. Let’s celebrate our bodies, whatever they may look like! Let’s love them even if they’re weird and get dry in the winter and grow random hairs in weird places. Not that I have a body that grows weird hairs. Well, I did. But then I got this at-home laser hair removal device that is supposed to get rid of every hair, but I can’t help but think that shooting a laser beam into your skin over and over and over again could possibly cause some cancer. There I go being morbid again. Ugh. I’m going to think about a rainbow or a starfish or a baby next time instead. Starfish seem so relaxed. Babies, not so much. They’re fussy. And weird when they just come out. They’re much cuter when they’re cleaned off and free of womb juice. Womb juice! That’s a good name for a perfume, right? A perfume for hippies. I’m on it. So many good ideas lately. I better quit while I’m ahead. Not that I’m really a head. I’ve got a whole body too. Get it? Get it? LOVE YOU!
Comments
31 responses to “Happy Friday, Uncle Jesse”
This just made my day…hilarious!
And yes I DO remember when The Beach Boys were on Full House. Now I’m going to have to watch Full House…is that on Hulu? Hmmm…life’s big questions.
let’s go surfin’ now…EVERYBODY’S LEARNIN’ NOW…surfin’ safari with MEEEE!!
Too old for full house for me but I have my favorites-Ozzie and Harriet and My little Margie and Sky King with Penny. All these perfect lives and they were all so happy. I am happy. I am happy to know Laurenne. See you next week at Taboo Tales.
I love that your posts cater to the ADD in me.
And you know what else? I love YOU! :)
You are on fire today! Love it.
Not only do I love you, you ARE my favorite as well!!
I don’t even want to talk about random weird hairs…
Damn. When you told me you loved me, I thought I was really special. Turns out I am just one of a huge crowd. Still, you’re part of the ever growing crowd of folks that I love, so let’s love each other from within the masses. It’s a beautiful thing – just like you.
You had me at Uncle Jesse. It was *so* cool when he and his pretty hair sang with the Beach Boys.
Also, womb juice? I’m repulsed. And thirsty.
I think the market for your womb juice is the little hippy town I am in right now in southern Australia. For real. Belgrave. Check it out.
Of course, if this is your only market this might not be a good business idea. It’s a really small town.
So is not weird that there was a show where some random dude (Dave Coulier) that does weird hand signs and voices helps raise 3 young girls and has deal with Kimmy Gibbler? If that show was pitched today there would be an immediate phone call into Dateline since they caught a predator. The 80s were so naive.
Why don’t they make skinny sweatpants? Discuss.
They do make skinny sweatpants. They are called leggings and are the best invention ever. It makes it socially acceptable (for a few years at a time as “fashion” comes and goes) for me to go out in what are basically pajamas. Awesome.
Um. Hello new blog. I’ve been away too long. Lovely to see you. Delightful, in fact.
Also, I’d like to not make TV commercials for a living and just write on my blog(s) too.
Also, Kimmy Gibbler. Heehee. That’s funny.
HellO!…
Hello! How are you? Want to exchange the trackbacks? I have posted to my blog, you can check! Thanks. :)))…
I love what you guys tend to be up too. Such clever work and coverage! Keep up the great works guys I’ve added you guys to my own blogroll.
You got a really useful blog I have been here reading for about an hour. I am a newbie and your success is very much an inspiration for me.
Whoa! This blog looks just like my old one! It’s on a entirely different topic but it has pretty much the same page layout and design. Great choice of colors!
Hey – good blog, simply looking round some blogs, seems a fairly nice platform You Are using. I’m at the moment using Drupal for just a few of my sites but trying to change certainly one of them over to a platform very much the same to yours as a trial run. Anything specifically you’ll suggest about it?
We are a group of volunteers and opening a new scheme in our community. Your website provided us with valuable information to work on. You have done a formidable job and our entire community will be thankful to you.
Hello! I’ve been following your weblog for a long time now and finally got the bravery to go ahead and give you a shout out from Humble Tx! Just wanted to say keep up the excellent job!
I think this is one of the most important information for me. And i’m glad reading your article. But want to remark on few general things, The web site style is ideal, the articles is really nice : D. Good job, cheers
protracted account you’ve own
Finally, an issue that I am passionate about. I have looked for information of this caliber for the last several hours. Your site is greatly appreciated.
I like this weblog very much so much superb information.
I’m speechless. It is a superb weblog and really attractive too. Great paintings! That’s now not truly a lot coming from an newbie publisher like me, but it surely’s all I may just say after diving into your posts. Great grammar and vocabulary. Now not like different blogs. You actually recognize what you?re speaking about too. Such a lot that you just made me want to explore more. Your blog has turn out to be a stepping stone for me, my friend.
You made some good points there. I did a search on the topic and found most people agree with you. But it’s human nature for some to disagree. But whatever. They’re in the minority.
I have been meaning to post about something similar to this on my website which gave me a concept. Cheers.
what is the best seo software to check backlinks?
nice site what theme are you using? my browser wont let me scroll down:P cheers
I like what you guys are up too. Such clever work and reporting! Carry on the excellent works guys I’ve incorporated you guys to my blogroll. I think it will improve the value of my web site :).
I would like to thank you for the efforts you have made in publishing this article. I am hoping the same best work from you in the future as well. In fact your fanciful writing abilities has urged me to start my own blog now. Actually the blogging is spreading its wings rapidly. Your write up is a fine example of it.