This blog has been about death for weeks. Come on! Let’s talk about life. Because we’re alive. Life is precious. Life is beautiful. Life is a cereal. Cereal is for breakfast. I love savoring a hot beverage in the morning. The steam wakes me up. Reminds me that I’m alive. Life! Life goes on. Remember that show? That show was Chad Lowe at his best. I wanted to sleep with him even though he had HIV. Maybe this is a pattern. Maybe I should date people with HIV. Or Down’s Syndrome. That show really put Down Syndrome actors on the map, and there needs to be another show soon that does that. Oh, but there really aren’t many TV shows anymore. Just reality shows. And that might be a hard sell. Although I feel like TLC would do it. It would be called Ups and Downs. Do they already have that? Maybe they do. I’m lost without my TV. I just stream The Bachelor when I don’t feel like thinking about anything, which is sometimes a lot of times. I also like to eat olives. Olives are small explosions of flavor, and I can’t live without them. But I didn’t like them until I was 25. I am quite troubled by the fact that I missed out on such salty sliminess for all those years. I refused to try them because they looked ugly. And it took me 25 years to learn. That’s what scares me about having kids. They’re going to say that they don’t want to try something and I’m going to know it’s really great and they’re not going to figure out until 25 years go by and I’ll have to be patient for all that time. Being a parent just seems like a lot of waiting. And a lot of answering questions. I wonder if my kids will ask me what it was like when there were places like Japan or California because those places won’t be around when I finally have kids in 100 years. I also wonder if we as a human race will figure out how to live underwater one day or if we’ll just collectively say, ‘Hey, let’s just not be a species anymore. It’s too hard trying to be like Kevin Kostner.’ Oh shit, now I’m talking about death again. Maybe I’m just morbid. Maybe it’s because I just read that Nate Dogg died. Even though I know every single word to his ‘Regulator’ song, we weren’t close. So, I won’t be writing some sad tribute to him here. Although that song did mean a lot to me in the nineties. Mount up. I mean, it’s sad that he died because he’s just gone suddenly but he did write a song about shooting a bunch of people, so you can’t feel that bad. But he might have changed since the nineties. I did. Thank heaven. For 7-11. Slurpees totally gross me out now. They were for times pre-olive. My palate is ever-changing as I grow older and get closer to death. Life!
Life!
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Obla dee, Obla dah. Obla, why was Corky so cool? He could do everything, execpt some things that he couldn’t do.
I hate olives. Mainly because a kid in preschool threw some at my head and I was traumatized and cried a lot. Now I can’t look at olives without bawling which made watching Popeye an emotional experience that I only talk about with my therapist.
It’s ok your kids will just ask you about your regulator gastrointergalactic mobile machine that takes you to the moon and if they can watch Dora the Explorer on the flight. (Estimated flight date: 2017).
Life goes ooooon oooh la la la la life goes on. Corky! Seriously though, what a horrible name? That’s not fair. He’s already at a disadvantage, and they named him Corky. Cruel.
I grew up to like olives AND slurpees. But not together. Because that would be gross.
Laurenne, you seriously have lived more life than almost anyone I know. Death sucks a lot when you have to see it like you just did. Death sucks a lot when you have to see it at all. But you should also know that in your own way you inspire the fuck out of people. I might not have gotten on that plane last week if not for having read about your traveling when you up and quit your job. I might not have quit my job if not for having read it. Although it did help that I watched that guy dive off a building on my lunch hour. That helped me see that it wasn’t worth living unless I was actually LIVING.
So death can be good too. Because it reminds the rest of us to actually fucking live.
Love you. Can we get coffee when I get back to L.A.? Seriously. Mainly because I am too poor to say “can we get wine when I get back to L.A.?” You know, because I quit my job. And then left the country on a moments notice to see some boy.
I’m out. I’m gonna walk down the road and find some Australians to interact with.
Look at that! We alllll make a difference. Because of you, I will be perhaps be getting whipped soon. Who knows? If you say it’s good, why not let someone chain me to the floor?
Get off the internets! Go enjoy the outback, mate!
You should TOTALLY let someone chain you to the floor. For reals, yo! Take pictures! :)
Laurenne, I laugh so much when you go with your normal train of thought. It makes me see how your mind works or doesn’t. I hate Olives-I pick them out of everything so if we go somewhere together you can have all mine. I love you lots girlfriend. My family loved meeting you.
Yes! Let’s split an olive sandwich. I’ll eat the olives. You eat the sandwich.
I can honestly say I have never eaten an olive. My sister could pop them like Tic-Tacs but I haven’t been able to bring myself to eat one. Maybe that should be on my to-do list….
I know! They’re so ugly. Try a tapenade spread first.
Don’t. Don’t try a tapenade spread first. Olives are only ugly when they are mushed and mutilated to look pre-digested.
I hate olives but love you. Did you make that olive couple? I feel like olives are something I really SHOULD like.
Also, I think that if I had a cat, it would have flown off the couch in pure fright from how hard I laughed at “Ups and Downs”.
This post is very Faulkner, I’m so glad you’re appreciating him! Also, olives are great, and so is life. But neither are great when they are pureed into mush. Love you!
I *love* olives. The last two girls I’ve dated *hate* olives. Those relationships both ended with my being dumped in emails.
I can’t help but think this is all somehow related. To Down syndrome.
Fuck those girls. Life is too short to spend time on girls who don’t love olives. Except for the ones who have commented here about not loving olives. They’re cool. To Down Syndrome!
I knew I loved olives from the moment i tried them at very young age. I used to put the big black ones on each of my fingers and eat them one at a time. I hope my kids will do the same. That is life! Nice post!
Seems like you are going through a 20-something angst thing… eh, it is alright… you will get through this and have your children and you will sit down with them and watch repeats of ‘Life Goes On’ with them and every now and then you will have a ‘family nite’ of sitting down watching reruns of ‘Life Goes On’ and ‘Facts Of Life’ episodes with Geri Jewell in them…
I think they are bringing back some old Nickelodeon shows… ‘Clarissa Explains It All’ and ‘Double Dare’… spent many a Saturday night in my angsty years watching SNICK… don’t worry… it gets better…
What?! Boy, I’m not in my twenties. Thanks for reminding me.
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