Yesterday was St. Patricks Day, my least favorite holiday because I don’t care if you’re Irish and I don’t like when drunk people pee in my bushes. That is not a euphemism. It has happened before. I yelled at this drunk gangbanger for peeing on my apartment door, and his friends just mocked me like I was some old substitute teacher they could treat like shit because they figured she wouldn’t know how to give them detentions. Remember when getting in trouble was cool? I had crushes on all the boys who got detentions. I think that says something about my relationship pattern, but let’s not go into that today. Today is Friday! Hoo. Ray. TGIF. Remember when Fridays were about watching dumb TV shows? Remember when the Beach Boys were on Full House? That Friday used to be the standard to which I held any other Friday. Then Fridays started to mean fake IDs and alcohol. Once I tried to get drunk off Vermouth. Don’t try that. It’s a waste of money even though Vermouth is the cheapest alcohol on the shelf. I love a good alcohol bargain. Actually, I don’t love alcohol; I just love bargains. Actually, I just love love. Love! I tried to tell lots of people I loved them this week. And lots of people told me they loved me this week. My friend, Rahul, even wrote a blog about his love for me. What?!! I feel so special. Sometimes I think we use the word ‘love’ too freely when we say, “Oh my God. I love your shirt.” But I think it’s great to use it freely with people. Because that’s what humans do. We love. Why not? So, I’ve been crying good tears this week, not many more tears about death because I’m so over death. It comes and goes just like fashion. What’s with runway shows? Do those models know they look ridiculous? I don’t have one pair of jeans that is not of the skinny variety. I thought I would never wear skinny jeans, but I actually love the fact that women are now showing off their shapely curves or non curves. Let’s celebrate our bodies, whatever they may look like! Let’s love them even if they’re weird and get dry in the winter and grow random hairs in weird places. Not that I have a body that grows weird hairs. Well, I did. But then I got this at-home laser hair removal device that is supposed to get rid of every hair, but I can’t help but think that shooting a laser beam into your skin over and over and over again could possibly cause some cancer. There I go being morbid again. Ugh. I’m going to think about a rainbow or a starfish or a baby next time instead. Starfish seem so relaxed. Babies, not so much. They’re fussy. And weird when they just come out. They’re much cuter when they’re cleaned off and free of womb juice. Womb juice! That’s a good name for a perfume, right? A perfume for hippies. I’m on it. So many good ideas lately. I better quit while I’m ahead. Not that I’m really a head. I’ve got a whole body too. Get it? Get it? LOVE YOU!
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This just made my day…hilarious!
And yes I DO remember when The Beach Boys were on Full House. Now I’m going to have to watch Full House…is that on Hulu? Hmmm…life’s big questions.
let’s go surfin’ now…EVERYBODY’S LEARNIN’ NOW…surfin’ safari with MEEEE!!
Too old for full house for me but I have my favorites-Ozzie and Harriet and My little Margie and Sky King with Penny. All these perfect lives and they were all so happy. I am happy. I am happy to know Laurenne. See you next week at Taboo Tales.
I love that your posts cater to the ADD in me.
And you know what else? I love YOU! :)
You are on fire today! Love it.
Not only do I love you, you ARE my favorite as well!!
I don’t even want to talk about random weird hairs…
Damn. When you told me you loved me, I thought I was really special. Turns out I am just one of a huge crowd. Still, you’re part of the ever growing crowd of folks that I love, so let’s love each other from within the masses. It’s a beautiful thing – just like you.
You had me at Uncle Jesse. It was *so* cool when he and his pretty hair sang with the Beach Boys.
Also, womb juice? I’m repulsed. And thirsty.
I think the market for your womb juice is the little hippy town I am in right now in southern Australia. For real. Belgrave. Check it out.
Of course, if this is your only market this might not be a good business idea. It’s a really small town.
So is not weird that there was a show where some random dude (Dave Coulier) that does weird hand signs and voices helps raise 3 young girls and has deal with Kimmy Gibbler? If that show was pitched today there would be an immediate phone call into Dateline since they caught a predator. The 80s were so naive.
Why don’t they make skinny sweatpants? Discuss.
They do make skinny sweatpants. They are called leggings and are the best invention ever. It makes it socially acceptable (for a few years at a time as “fashion” comes and goes) for me to go out in what are basically pajamas. Awesome.
Um. Hello new blog. I’ve been away too long. Lovely to see you. Delightful, in fact.
Also, I’d like to not make TV commercials for a living and just write on my blog(s) too.
Also, Kimmy Gibbler. Heehee. That’s funny.
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