I’m in Poland, land of pierogis, remnants of war, a plethora of Zs and Ls, and several skis. It happens to be the exciting time of soccer’s Euro Cup, or what Americans call the “what’s that?” It’s the most-watched sporting event not seen in America. Some games are held in Poland this year, so there are flags galore and fans aplenty. This reminds me of a time when I lived in Madrid back when I was twenty (just a few years ago.).
Real Madrid won the Champions League Final then, and the streets filled up with people. People climbing flagpoles. People squished like shipments of shirts. People screaming and drunk and happy and triumphant. This was also a time when I liked to mix Coke and wine, and that day I celebrated the victory by mixing a lot of Coke and a lot of wine and then throwing up in someone’s mouth.
Yep, I had a Spanish boyfriend, and I made out with him until I puked down his throat.
I hope Real Madrid really appreciates what I did for them that day.
This Futbol Cup is different. I’m with my mom, and we’re in bed at ten pm. And we went to Auschwitz today. I DID want to puke when I saw the 80,000 pairs of shoes collected from Jews in just one day, but it was a different kind of puke.
In studying this parallel of pukes, I can see how much I’ve changed since I was twenty or ten or ever. I’ve done a whole bunch of stupid shit that I wouldn’t do today; I guess that’s what they call life.
I let a girl in college call me Kim for four years. I NEVER corrected her. I “felt bad.” I didn’t want to make her feel wrong. WHAT? We’re not friends anymore.
Once I gave my mom the exact same birthday present two years in a row. THE EXACT same one. It was a homemade plate on which to place perfume bottles. I grabbed it off her dresser and re-wrapped it the next year. And then I was shocked when she said, “Oh, thanks. But didn’t you give this to me last year?” I guess I thought she was not that observant or just really dumb. Whoops.
Once on a date I blew my nose into a guy’s hands. I didn’t really like him, I guess. I had some very overactive sinuses then.
When I got my first credit card, I immediately booked a big vacation because I didn’t have to pay for it until later!
I’ve taken drugs from strangers.
I’ve hitchhiked.
I’ve lost all my money to gypsies playing that stupid game in the street with one pea under three potatoes.
I let a neighbor on meth cut my hair at 3am.
I let a boy bring me to an abandoned house in the middle of nowhere in Sicily where I couldn’t escape or even speak the language to call for help (I just kept talking until he was so annoyed that he took me home).
I sat on the roof of a car and let a boy speed until I fell off. That really impressed him.
I went alone to the most dangerous city in the world where the signs in the hotel read, “Tourists must NOT go outside.”
I’ve put myself down many times to make others feel better.
I rode my tricycle down the stairs when I was six because I saw it on TV and I thought everything on TV was real.
I just recently learned that Auschwitz is in Poland.
Now that I write these out, I see they don’t sound soooo bad. Each is only a learning experience and a way to realize how much I’ve grown. But I have no doubt that I will look back in ten more years and wonder what the hell I was thinking as I let out all my secrets for the world all ten of you to read. Or why I streaked through the leaning tower of Pisa (haven’t done that yet, but I’m on the way). Or why I spent all my savings to spend two months in Spain doing nothing (also on the way!). These are the best kinds of mistakes. Or maybe just learning experiences. Or maybe just living.
What are the stupidest learning experiences you’ve ever done?
{ 15 comments }
I’ve done some pretty stupid things in my life so far.
Mostly when I was drunk.
Which makes it hard to learn from them, as I’m far too intoxicated to remember the full details of the experience.
Which is why I stopped binge drinking when I entered my thirties.
I’ve also blown a lot of money on pointless shiz, but hey, this is what life is all about, right? I could get hit by a bus tomorrow, and that could be it.
I was a boss once and slept with someone and then helped them get ahead. Oh yea, he’s a doctor today in his specialty because of me.
Laurenne, I was in Poland as well and visited Auschwitz.It was raining and as we walked around I felt that the skies were crying for all the lost lives. I had to stop going to all the rooms and just waited outside in the rain and thought I could actually smell the lost souls.
Marrying my starter wife was the most inane, stupid thing I have ever done BY FAR. 2nd place would be like “steak knives” compared to it.
pretty much everything on your list, except change some of the locations. you could also add about 993 more items, which is pretty much what my book that i can’t seem to finish is about.
you’re my summer inspiration.
also, you look nothing like a Kim. that twat face probably called you that on purpose because she was jealous of you and all of your amazingness.
watch out for poles!
Asking a question at the end. Veteran blogging maneuver looking for more comments. Are you going to have a giveaway on the next post?
You played 3 potato monty?!?! I have this rock. It grants wishes. I will sell it to you for $5,000.
Really? A rock that grants wishes?!?
Oh this makes me sooooooo scared to ever let Rae out of my nest!
Live in the present, remember the past, and hope for the future. If Auschwitz has scarred your memory as it has mine, then it serves its purpose today.
Number one: I moved to Texas for a boy. That was an expensive stupid (on my part because I actually knew better) learning experience.
I never make mistakes, so it’s really hard for me to relate to you.
No, really, the thing is, I sometimes regret being so mature and responsible, because sometimes it might be fun to just let loose and make some drunken miscalculations. But it’s just not me. I’ve pretty much been 80 since birth.
But … I do not usually correct people when they call me “Jennifer.” I figure it’s close enough.
I learned it’s not a good idea to dress up as Eve for New Year’s Eve.
At 1am on the dance floor I felt cool air on my nipples and realized that the leaves had all parted with my jiving to reveal many, if not all, of my privates.
I learned many other things that I just spent 10 minutes typing into this comment window.
And am now deleting.
x
i love this. but as i’ve just turned 50, and have at least 20 years of ‘dumb stuff’ on you, i could fill your comment box (not a euphemism) with a fairly astonishing list… the only redeeming part? i generally haven’t often repeaded the dumb stuff. on the downside? i’m pretty creative… and have found lots of new stupid along the way…
I cut my neighbor’s hair at 3 in the morning high on meth. I think.
My real name is actually Janice but I answer to Julie so often that I don’t even think to correct people. Here’s how it goes. Someone says, “What’s your name?” I say, “Janice.” They say, “Nice to meet you Janet.” I say, “No, Janice.” They say, “Right. Janice.” And later they say, “Bye Julie!” I just stare into the backs of their heads with my laser beam eyes until they explode. Their heads. Not my eyes.
I don’t know why I don’t read all of your blogs — one of the most stupid things I’ve ever done was move to America on my own with about $30 as I thought elvis would meet me at the airport — after all we share the same birthday.
Love,
Brigid