It has come to my attention that overthrowing the government is quite popular these days, so I was thinking of overthrowing someone just to be trendy. Sadly, I’ve no one to overthrow. I don’t want to waste time on the US government because it would be too difficult to kick out every single congressman and start over. That’s what I would want to do. I would want to put all my friends in the government, and then every US citizen would be required to do yoga and eat cheese and make fart jokes and not judge anyone except the few people I stipulate like Slow Shoppers or Ghayters. I recently saw some old friends who told me I should really get married and that I would regret not having kids. And then they proceeded to talk shit about their husbands and complain about their kids. Kids. The New Kids on the Block are on tour again, but I think some things are best left where they lay. Why try to recreate something that was already so good, Jordan Knight? Don’t do it. Leave me with sweet memories of that tail you once coveted, the one that cascaded down your back in its centimeter width, the one every sixth grader tried to mimic. Once I had a New Year’s Eve Party in sixth grade. My mom made everybody virgin margaritas, but she didn’t tell us they were sans alcohol. Everyone proceeded to get “wasted.” Nick Pope and his curly locks even fell into the shower curtain, pulling it down and making a mess. He apologized and blamed it on the alcohol. He’s bald and almost has a sixth-grader now. Time just keeps going and going and going like an express train to Barcelona. Why don’t I live in Barcelona? Es algo que tengo que hacer porque es algo que QUIERO hacer y el tiempo pasa. I think I’m scared of time, which is why I don’t wear a watch. Time still finds me and reminds me that I’m late. Always late. Late to overthrow the government. And late for yoga. Gotta go. Big day planned. So much to do. Like check Facebook and ponder my existence, really just one in the same.
Let’s get fake wasted!
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Stream of Consciousness! I love it. Your mom is the greatest. I was doing that lol thing at that story. Your mom makes virgin margaritas, my mom makes rice turkeys. I think we were high maintenance kids.
I don’t wear a watch because I have hairy arms. Then the hair gets caught and hurts. I don’t need a self waxing time machine on my arm.
Yes! Self-waxing time machines are the WORST. Once I went back to 1923 and came back with no eyebrows. Embarrassing.
i love u… oh, y yo me voy a vivir contigo a barcelona… vamonos ahorita mismo! :)
Vamonos, mujer!! En serio. Pero….. Honduras es mas barato! I’ll let you know if it’s just as good but I doubt it!
When one of my friends found out that I don’t want children, she looked horrified and said, “But how will your life have meaning?” True story. That happened. I was so insulted. I mean, has she met my cats?
Aw, you know me girlfriend. I am looking at this and seeing what I see and reading what I read in your posts. What do I see in this one..?
First, you can hate all the clocks but you won’t stop time. Fix yourself on what you want and forget about ‘convention’. If you want children and a marriage and all that, fine. BUT if you don’t, that is MORE THAN FINE TOO. After I jumped the broom, I read a story about a woman who had the jimmy leg going when she thought about he upcoming walk down the aisle. She wasn’t sure that she wanted to do it and she consulted her priest, who was supposed to referee the ceremony or whatever he does at the atlar. He listened to her and he advised her to not get married.
His reason went as follows: of all the wedding he officiated (I guess he is a referee), the girls who expressed their doubts almost to a woman came back and regretted their decision. But the few who had their doubts and did not go through with the questionable marriage, were all glad that they did not go through with the wedding.
Now they did not do any follow up and that was the extent of the tale. I wished that I had heard that when I got married because I did not have butterflies but BATS flying blindly in my stomach and even when my conscious was screaming at me as I drove down I-75 towards Toledo to my doom (which is sort of redundant, if you knew Toledo), I did it anyway. And I hate that I did get married.
Some scars don’t heal completely. If you ‘just’ get married because you think you should or you are apprehensive about growing old without a partner, remember, ‘just getting married’ usually results in the kind of regret and bitterness that smell like stale beer and the farts of old men and their streaked underwear. Screw that, girlfriend.
You are a beautiful young woman and if you truly want to be married, you will be married. Relax and let it happen. When you are on the road to finding who you are and your destiny, that partner person will be a part of your life. But if you are enjoying life and it doesn’t happen, enjoy your life and don’t morn it.
And really, you want someone who loves you and would be a part of your dreams and journey with you on your destination. Those are rare finds and sometimes you have to try two marriages before you find each other. Do you. For real and not for a double entendre. Be the best Laurenne that you can…
L&R
Mark
I can’t believe Mambert placebo-ed your friends–amazing!
ha! Mambert knows how to make any party interesting! Even a party for 6th graders.
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